I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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