Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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