Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
