dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
