I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
