I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
