He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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