It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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