In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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