my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
