i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The beer is more important than you right now.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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