Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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