She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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