Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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