Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
