my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
