You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
