So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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