i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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