If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
