then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
