i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
