i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
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Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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