She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
