oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
