She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
