1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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