Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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