It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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