yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
