normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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