I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
