I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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