they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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