you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
