i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
