I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
do nipples grow back?
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