their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
