How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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