Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
