So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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