It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
