i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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