Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
