Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
