can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
