worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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