Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize