I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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