I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
