you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
