I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
