Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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