so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
