I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
