Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
