my soul wont recognize me after tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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