I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
