this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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