somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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