Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize