his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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