I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How external is "for external use only"?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
