he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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