My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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