NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
