i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pooping to opera.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize