if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
