So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
