soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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