I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
